Teen frustrated by mom无毛视频檚 overprotectiveness
Q. I feel like my mom gives me mixed signals. She wants me to be popular, to the point where she tries to oversee how I dress and asks me detailed questions about my friends, like who did I sit with at lunch and what was our conversation? I like school and my grades are good, but she mostly takes my good grades for granted and focuses on how many friends compliment me and if I’m elected an officer in a club. On the other hand, she refuses to let me hang out with those same friends she’s desperate for me to have at school. She had me when she was a teen, I wonder if that has something to do with her being overprotective. I love my mom, but I’ll be 18 right after Christmas. Next year I’ll be in college. Isn’t it time she trusts me? – 17-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: Your insight into your mom is mature. I started volunteering with teen parents in the 1970s. Having a baby while young means pieces of adolescence are lost. That’s never the baby’s fault, but the change in the teen mom’s life is real.
You don’t mention if your mom finished high school. Our Teen Outreach still mentors teen parents; 84 to 100% of them graduate, but not all young parents are fortunate to have support. Even if she did graduate, her social life would have changed. The stigma of birthing young is less than it was in the past, but it can still be intimidating. Attending proms or formals, going to football games, participating in sports or extracurricular activities – these things may take a back seat to caring for a baby or toddler. Your mom may not even realize it, but she may be living vicariously through you. Simply put, that means she enjoys hearing about your friendships and the details of your day, almost making up for what she missed through you.
Perhaps this perspective will help you understand her interest in your life.
The overprotectiveness may be linked to your birth as well. My dissertation looked at the lived experience of young mothers. To be in my study, the mothers had to give birth as a teen and their children needed to be between the ages of 10 to 15. I wanted to look at how young motherhood affected the way those teens raised their babies. Ninety-four percent of the women in my research expressed strong desires to protect their children, some to the point where they screened their friendships and monitored where they went when they weren’t at home.
I don’t think this is an issue of trust, but rather concern – and many mothers of all ages worry.
Talk with your mom, openly and with kindness. Share how you feel, but do not judge her. Ask her what type of independence would make her comfortable. Start slowly and build up. You’re old enough for a part-time job, especially with those good grades. If you live locally, our Common Ground Teen Center might be a safe space for you. I’d be happy to talk with your mom and reassure her.
Keep up your grades and maintain your friendships. Your days at home will pass quickly; as you said, next year you’ll be in college. Enjoy your time with your mom.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.